You’re hot, I know. Sweat dribbles from your brow and genitals and you smell like a radiator filled with cheese. So you may not be up for spending time in small music venues, crammed next to other radish-faced losers, pretending to like the latest guitar squealers. But bear in mind: all the gigs mentioned here will be great; at least one of these venues has air conditioning; there are many high quality deodorants on the market and spraying them on other people can be considered flirting. On the other hand, you can take all your clothes off and jump on a fat man called Damian. Yes, punk crazies Fucked Up are playing Cardiff’s Barfly on the 15th, and it will be a blast. At another part of the intensityrock spectrum are Shitty Limits, boggle-eyed, garage smeared punkers and totally recommended, who headline a whole day of noisy stuff at Le Pub in Newport on the 17th.

But if you’re asking me to pick just one gig from this selection, Desert Island Discs-style, then it would have to be the one that features The School PLAYING A FRIGGING RAMONES-STYLE SET. Covers and originals done fast make my brain happy, and put the cap on a packed out all-dayer for the Headweaycharity (Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff, 11th). And while we’re speaking of twelve hour gigs, you could do a lot worse than Bristol’s Mothers’ Ruin on the 17th, where Ice, Sea, Dead People, Big Joan, Cowman and lots more angular weirdos will cave your ears in. The Lost Weekend, in the same city’s lovely Cube Cinema, has a similar amount of good bands (The Fauns, The Liftmen, Big Naturals and more), but spreads it over two nights (16th and 17th) and if you buy a two day ticket you get a free compilation CD too. Sweet!

You’re probably wondering who that semi-naked guy in the white shorts is. His name is Brontez and he used to go under the name of Junx in the phenomenal art crash band Gravy Train!!! that’s who. There will be dancing (and great supports) as Younger Lovers play Bristol’s Boneyard on the 6th, thanks to FAG Club’s revamped promotions (Younger Lovers also playing a secret-ish gig in Sigma in Swansea on the 7th if you’re interested). More fun stuff can be found when spunky young ladies Hotpants Romance support the equally charming Lovely Eggs on the 15th, while The Felt Tips bring more winsome indie on the 21st (both Buffalo Bar, Cardiff). And if you want to go further into quietness, Ivan Moult, guitarist in the School, launches his EP of acoustic breeze on the 6th (Ten Feet Tall, 6th), while the excellent, bone dry country folk of The Handsome Family rears up in Bristol’s Louisiana on the 27th.

Weird, noisy and other to finish. Orchestre Tout Puissant Marcel Duchamp not only have a great name but also feature members of Dog Faced Hermans and 7 Hertz and play “art punk afrobeat cabaret from Geneva”. Get in (Bristol County Sports Club, 7th). The terrific, Scatter-related Nalle bring their ancient jazz/folk/misc to Cardiff’s Norwegian Church (19th), courtesy of promoters Swn, who also dish up ace space Krauters Moon Duo at Clwb Ifor Bach on the 22nd. This month’s smart QU Junktions promotion is Marshall Allen (Cube, 21st), 1000 year old sax-playing Yoda dude from Sun Ra’s Arkestra, and if you like the sound of that check Steffen Basho-Junghans at the same venue on the 4th for Richard Bishop-style guitar starbursts. Frenzied rockers Science Bastard are currently frazzling as a stripped down three-piece – head to Newport’s Riverside Tavern on the 23rd for a progress report, while other heavy locals Spider Kitten will shake Cardiff’s Old Library on the 15th. Which leaves: Vanguard‘s hotly tipped French house excursions (Buffalo, 8th); brill promoters Gathered In Song continuing to treat Newport to free gigs, this time with Deer Park headlining a stuffed Americana night (Le Pub, 16th); Jasper TX & Mark Templeton levelling Bristol’s Arnolfini with droned strangeness (24th) and Gruff Rhys‘s collaboration with South American TV repairman Tony Da Gattora (Clwb Ifor Bach, 28th and 29th, with Islet in fine support). Factor 40 fun for all.

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